Seeing the Coming Days of Deeper Mourning

The tears have dried up since papang's moment of death. Our family has found joy in the consoling condolences, financial assistance and prayers from friends. Everyone has already the strength to smile and laugh a little bit. The fate of our father has somehow sunk into our thoughts.

But now that the days are getting closer to the time, when we shall finally have papang's interment, I start to have these anxious thoughts. How would our family stand through the sorrowful burial rites? How should we easily move on without our beloved father? Whatever happens to mamang, who constantly accompany papang, when he was still here?

Just this morning, my brother-in-law Athan asked me if I could have enough strength to accompany the singing of the choir during the funeral mass. I told him that I used to serve other people; why can't I do that to my own father. I went to the church this afteroon. There, I realized that indeed, it wouldn't be that easy playing the musical instrument while seeing my family mourn inside the church. Sister Au told me that none of their family members participated in the liturgy support and they just heard the mass while mourning. I think I'd be just sitting where my family would be.

I want to pray more intensely and intently. I want to say prayers with my family, that the Good Lord grant us strength to endure the pains of weeping and loneliness. Yes, we have let go of papang already. But the heart simply could not easily bear the thought that papang would not be anymore physically present.

Only God's love and grace would allow our family to go through these very difficult times. We love our father very much. We would be deeply hurt to be separated from him. Let the thought that he is anyway going to the heavenly home, arise above all these worries. All shall be well in the presence of the Lord.