Not worth the coming

Paul VI Institute of Liturgy (PIL)
Brgy. San Jose
Malaybalay City, Bukidnon

When I realized that I have not enough preparations for this training I am into now, I started to question about my worth of being here. Would I be gaining the benefits expected of this Music Module II, where I am enrolled?

As of the moment, I am practically ignorant with performing the 2 – part playing of organ. I just have the thought in me now that had it been made clear to us participants before enrolling, that basic piano skills are necessary to the lesson on playing the organ, I would have second thoughts about joining. I am so catching up with solfeggio activities. Most probably, 365 days of last year were chiefly spent for my classes in the school where I teach science. I should have appropriated some time for some practice in the solfeggio. The lessons on Music Theory have been difficult to catch up with. Along with all these challenges is the inevitable feeling of insecurity, having seen everyone but me, is sailing through the discussions and activities well. What is my worth being here? I should have been in a lower level class. But despite this burden, there have been times of learning. The mentors have been friendly. It can be gleaned from their actions their desire for me to learn. But then again, everything is just so difficult. There are even moments when I question about my being in the music ministry. I have seen that what I have been doing is far from standard. It is not enough that you have the desire to serve; I should also have the proper skills in the performance of such service.

When I looked at my left hand this morning, I gazed at its insufficiency in playing the organ. Right above it, was the crucifix with the Christ’s statue hanging on it. I looked at the Lord’s open hands, though wounded with nails. I realized that the same should be done. These hands have to work further. These hands have to suffer and be burdened with trainings. Only then shall these hands become worthy of serving Jesus in this ministry. Those who are adept surely did not wake up one day, and became skilled. I look forward to training myself. This Module has taught me to give service that is to its best. I might not be coming back here next year or even for years. But it wouldn’t mean that I surrender with my enhancement in music. I shall work, and work even harder. I can make it. God looks tenderly at his poor people. I know he would help me with this endeavor.